Love-Talk #06: Breaking Free from the Prison of Other People's Life Standards

Love-Talk #06: Breaking Free from the Prison of Other People's Life Standards

In this era of social media, we can easily see other people's achievements, lifestyles, and slices of happy moments, all in just a matter of seconds. Scrolling through our phone screens for just a short while often makes us start questioning ourselves: "Are my achievements enough?", "Why do I feel so far behind?", or "Am I choosing the right path?". The endless stream of information slowly makes us anxious and adopt other people's standards of living that might not necessarily fit who we are.

On Saturday (15/08/26), in regards to Indonesia's 81st Independence Day, dr. Love (featuring Sintia Kumala Dewi, S.Psi., an Associate at Welas Asih Wellness Center) held Love-Talk #06 titled "The Freedom to Be Yourself: Breaking Free from the Prison of Other People's Life Standards". Love-Talk is a talk show series held on Instagram Live @drlove.id, where we talk about issues related to relationships, emotional health, and self-love through a psychological perspective. This series is designed for those who want to improve their mental and emotional health. In this session, we unpacked why we so easily fall into the trap of comparing ourselves and how to regain control over our own lives.

Why Do We Often Feel Left Behind?

According to Sintia, it is natural to feel certain emotions after seeing other people's achievements. However, there is an important thing we often forget: the content we see on social media is just a tiny fraction of someone's life. We see the photos or videos of the end result that look perfect, but we do not see the long process, failures, and struggles behind them.

This phenomenon often triggers a psychological loop:

Stalking → Comparing → Fatigue

Starting from just scrolling around, we slowly begin comparing ourselves, leading up to emotional fatigue that leaves us struggling with anxiety, feelings of being left behind, or other negative emotions.

Simple Steps to Start Your Own Independence

If you are starting to feel pressured by other people's life standards on the internet, try these practical steps!

1. Question Your Goals Again

   When tempted to pursue something, take a pause and ask yourself: "What do I actually want from doing this?", or "Does this desire align with the values I’ve been holding?". This step helps distinguish whether the goal is genuinely your own desire or merely a temporary urge influenced by external factors.

2. Recognize Your Social Media Boundaries

   Generally speaking, social media content is essentially neutral; the rest depends on our personal response. If your social media feed starts making you validate feelings of inadequacy and feel bad about yourself, take it as a signal to pause from social media and redirect your focus back to yourself.

3. Record Every Small Step

   “Compare yourself today with who you were yesterday, not with others.”, quoted Sintia. Sometimes we feel like we haven't succeeded because we haven't reached our targeted "success point," even though we have already made a lot of progress on the way there. Write down every bit of progress and small success you have achieved on your journey. This will help you see that you are actually constantly moving forward.

"Having the freedom to be yourself doesn't mean being completely detached from your environment, but rather having full control to know what you need, what you don't need, and having the courage to take action for yourself."

So, are you living your days according to your own life standards, or someone else's?

If you missed our latest Love-Talk, check out the full recording here!  https://www.instagram.com/reel/DcD9RBlCQ-9/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==